In my soul, I am still that small child who did not care about anything else but the beautiful colors of a rainbow.
~ Papiha Ghosh
I have been trying to write a post on revisiting my word for the year. This is my third or fourth attempt. I’m not sure which because I write it up, read it over, and use the “Move to Trash” option that WordPress so handily provides.
In case you’ve forgotten (and sometimes *I* forget), my word is Playful. It’s a good word. It’s a word with a lot of fun potential. I’m just not sure it’s a good word for me.
I had high hopes for Playful. I also had my own ideas about what Playful means. To me, playful is spontaneous, exuberant, full of energy. When I think of playful, I think of children and how they exhibit those qualities even in their seriousness.
A couple of weeks ago, while pondering Playful, I read Dana’s post, The Year of Trust. If you haven’t read it, go ahead. I’ll wait.
You might say I put too much pressure on Playful. Well, you might not, but I would. I was asking Playful to turn me into something I’m not. Don’t get me wrong. I am capable of being playful. I have been known to be spontaneous, exuberant, and full of energy, although not always in the outward (extroverted) way that I had in mind when I thought Playful had chosen me when it comes to a word for the year.
Reading Dana’s post, I kept nodding along, and felt a sense of relief because, yes, this was it. This was how I was feeling about Playful. Even better, I realized is was OK to feel that way. There is no failure here. Instead, it was a lesson learned in attachment, and trying to grasp and hold light and air and spirit in my hands.
In the Osho Zen Tarot there is a card named Playfulness. In the book Tarot in the Spirit of Zen, for this card it is written:
There cannot be a map to the land of playfulness. All maps lead to seriousness… There is no way to playfulness, because playfulness is not a goal and cannot be a goal. When you forget about goals, when you are not going anywhere, when the very idea of going is dropped, then here-now playfulness starts growing in you, happening in you.
Playfulness is not then and there; it is here, now. So how can there be a road map? You are not to go anywhere, you are just to be.
Osho goes on to describe seriousness as goal-oriented, and “when a serious person starts playing, he even transforms the quality of the play — it becomes a game; it is no longer play.”
Funny how the card has come up for me a couple of times since I decided on Playful as my word for the year. I shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, and there it is again. A message that it is time to let go of Playful as a goal, and even as my word for the year. There is a better goal, a better word, but I’m going to hold that one close for a while. It’s been with me since I picked Playful, and it’s a word that has invited me to play without trying to capture it.
In the meantime, I’m not going to pick up my toys and go home. On the contrary, I’m going to play whenever and wherever play grabs me. I have invited Playful in, and once you issue an invitation of that type, there is no point in rescinding it (and who would want to??) because Playful is too hard to resist. Yesterday I was out splashing in puddles. Today there is more snow on the way, and you can bet I’ll be out there playing in it. It’s time to build another snowman or a snow fort or some other great snow structure before spring finally arrives and drives away the snow.
I think I’m going to lose my internet connection soon (the satellite doesn’t work well when it’s snowing) so I’d better finish this post and get it scheduled. Thank you so much for visiting today, and joining me on another exploration. I hope all is well with you, and I also hope to get caught up with you soon. One of the problems with having had surgery (besides having to have surgery) is that I’ve been in slow motion, or not moving at all, for a few weeks. Now that I’m moving at a regular pace again, I’m playing catch-up on all levels. It’s a good thing we’re having another snow day. It gives me an excuse to put aside playing catch-up so I can just play.
Be good, be kind, be loving. Just Be. 🙂
Today’s joys: A chance to play; hot, flowering tea; exploring within and without; a good morning workout; words of wisdom.